Decentering Men in Modern Feminism

By Summer Bruce, Staff Writer Edited by Sasha Leitner

Vogue’s recent article, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” has sparked controversy in all corners of social media. Many enthusiastically agree with its argument; others abhor everything it stands for. Whether one does or does not find having a boyfriend embarrassing is irrelevant—the purpose is to convey yet another “girl power” agenda. But why is every feminist conversation just a parody of the same anti–man argument? Why does the conversation have to involve men at all? Women can be uplifted and empowered without tearing down their male counterparts. The push–and–pull between feminism and society has proven fruitless, and it’s time to re-evaluate whether the issue lies in people not listening, or if the point just simply isn’t getting across.  

To answer this, it’s crucial to discern what feminism is supposed to be from what it has become. The feminist movement has been present in some form or other since the French Revolution, the first time women took active roles in self–advocacy. The overarching goal of feminism is aligned with a statement made by female playwright Olympe de Gouges, who once declared, “Women are born free, and are man’s equal.” In today’s world, it is often forgotten that the goal was never to prove that women are better than men, but rather that they are just as capable of contributing to society. 

Feminism has adopted a negative connotation over the past few decades. When Fetch asked Syracuse students why they believed this is, they felt that people believe feminists “automatically hate men.” What was once about bridging the divide between men and women has pivoted to support the agenda that “all men suck.” This is where the concept of feminism begins to lose its initial meaning. Generally, feminism has evolved from uplifting women to degrading men. Like all movements, feminism can be pushed to the extreme, with many using it as “an excuse to put down men,” as one student told Fetch. “The definition of feminism has been so skewed,” another student admits, “people don’t really know what it means anymore.” 

It’s not to say that one should not be feminist, nor that feminism is inherently bad. Women need to be acknowledged and appreciated. However, it is important to understand that the way to do this is to consider women independently of men. This is not to claim that feminism is not substantiated, simply that it can appear so to more close–minded members of society. Even the media online discussing how to “decenter” men focuses more on what men lack than what women bring to the table. It’s unfortunate, because it’s so divisive. 

This is where the “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing?" question arises. Inconsistencies with the feminist argument end up backfiring, and the wrongly placed logic can lead to confusion. The idea that women become “beige and watered down” in a relationship, as Vogue’s article highlighted, is a damaging idea. It is, however, understood that women are strong enough alone. A woman does not need a man in her life, but there also isn’t anything wrong with wanting one. One of the things that makes women so special is their empathy and ability to connect on a deeper level with those around them. The narrative that being in a relationship takes away from a woman can lead people to associate women’s emotions with weakness or fragility, a misaligned notion that feminists have sought to abolish for years. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship, as long as both people are good, respectful, and uplift one another rather than trying to beat the other to the podium. 

The issue is not whether one is a man or a woman, but instead whether or not one is a good person. Men and women are not the same, but are equal nonetheless. Misandry will not help the feminist movement progress; it will only hinder it. Women are intelligent, strong, independent people who are capable of being the voices of change. It does no good to use these voices to do to others what has been done to them. Feminism is about supporting women and uplifting each other. There is no room in feminism to tear others down. The best way to combat disparity is not to tip the scales in the opposite direction, but to simply even them out.

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