DAEFTW? Eli Rallo’s Gift to Young Women Stumbling Through Adulthood

By Sophie DeCristofaro , Staff Writer Edited by Sasha Leitner

Does Anyone Else Feel This Way? Essays on Conquering the Quarter-Life Crisis by Eli Rallo hit the shelves on October 14, 2025. On October 22, it reached number 36 on the New York Times Bestseller List. DAEFTW (as it’s more affectionately known) takes its reader on a journey through the mind of Eli Rallo, a 26 year-old living in New York City experiencing an honest-to-goodness quarter-life crisis. In many ways, Rallo gives advice to the younger generation, advising them against the mistakes and traps she fell into in her most vulnerable times. She is also, more importantly, creating a space for her unfinished experiences and questions about life. 

While this book is marketed toward women in their mid-twenties, as they are the ones experiencing a quarter-life crisis, I think many of the lessons are applicable to the lives of college-aged girls as well. As I read, I found myself feeling seen and understood by a woman whom I look up to, and ultimately understanding that many of these lessons are almost unteachable and must simply be experienced. Rallo’s writing is captivating, sometimes even heartbreaking, and DAEFTW provides a place for young women to finally get an answer when they wonder, “Does anyone else feel this way?”

The premise of DAEFTW is that we are not alone in feeling lost in life, even though we seem to be discouraged from talking about these feelings with one another. In an interview with People, Rallo says, “They think that because no one talks about [the quarter-life crisis] it's only happening to them, but that's just not true.” College life can look vastly different for every person, but the core experiences remain the same. Rallo talks about one particular day during her senior year of college at the University of Michigan, when she learned she had been rejected from a job, while simultaneously receiving critical and harsh feedback from her classmates for a play she’d written. She reflects, “Out of nowhere, my voice cracked and tears streamed down my cheeks—I didn’t get the job, the dream job, the job I was sure was mine. Not only that, I feared I wouldn’t get any job at this point, and wasn’t that my own fault?” (Rallo, 6) Rallo’s book illustrates in many ways her belief that although it is a universal experience, the pain of rejection is something that cannot be eased by anything but trust that the things that are meant for you will come to you. Reading her story, this seems like an obvious truth. 

Rallo’s rejections and shortcomings eventually led her to three book deals, a massive TikTok following, and a life she feels like she is living to its fullest potential. Rallo posted a video (@eli.rallo on Instagram) captioned, “Placing my second book on my shelf next to my first because I was never afraid to be seen trying & failing over and over again.” The first chapter of this book, “Does anyone else feel like they don’t have a plan?” is comforting for a college student, reassuring the reader that the feelings of never making the most of your time, wondering if you are doing everything “right,” is universal and not a personal fault. 

Chapter six, “Does anyone feel like they need to stop scrolling?” is perhaps one of the most candid discussions of the harmful effects of the internet on our psyches to date. Affectionately named “the Internet’s big sister,” Rallo has over one million followers across her platforms, opening her up to a new side of social media that most of us do not experience. She discusses the devastating emotional effects of comments such as “you look heavy here,” asking herself, “Heavy how? With the weight of all these phony expectations? With the fear of one internet faux pas—the way one mistake can be written in permanent ink?” (Rallo, 115) Content creators are highly conducive to mistreatment, as they have a sense of celebrity about them, but their platform is purely online, so the anonymity of users “emboldens” them to make hateful statements they most likely would be less inclined to make while looking at the person face to face. However, the harmful side of social media is experienced by all. The comparison game is never more present in young adult life than on social media. The urge to make life look as perfect on social media as one’s peers’ does can be overwhelming and immensely distracting. 

Rallo reflects, “On Instagram I hid behind the depression of my second semester of freshman year… On Instagram I hid the nasty breakup. On Instagram I hid the thirty-pound weight gain. On Instagram I hid the bullies, the faltering self-confidence, the strained relationships with family members” (Rallo, 122). She urges young people to stop viewing Instagram as the final piece of the puzzle making an experience worth living. “Everyone needs to know, or it doesn't exist, right?” Rallo asks, highlighting the glaring overimportance society has granted social media (Rallo, 123). For college students, this chapter of DAEFTW is a must-read, as it makes clear the experiences we should be prioritizing over an aesthetic feed.

DAEFTW focuses primarily on the personal emotional complications that come with the quarter-life crisis, but Rallo also touches on a major societal issue: the lack of medical support for women’s health. She recounts her own experiences with endometriosis, PCOS, hypothyroidism, and more, in chapter seven, where she writes, “Does anyone else avoid the OBGYN?” For young women, especially those of us who are lucky enough to have not experienced major health issues, this chapter is incredibly eye-opening. 

Women have historically been grossly underrepresented in medical research, despite clear biological differences in the ways women versus men experience diseases and medications. Rallo recounts her unsatisfying medical experiences, dealing with multiple diagnoses, doctors, and failed attempts at finding an answer for her problems. She leaves the reader with a powerful message about prioritizing one’s own needs. She recalls, “In May 2023, my life paused while I recovered before my appendectomy. I do not remember a time, in the past decade, where I’ve had the chance to pause like this” (Rallo, 166). During this period of reflection, she warns, “What happened to me is a failure of our medical system, but also a failure on my own part. I do not fault myself with this failure, as I believe it illuminated a really important lesson. I feared not being okay so much that I allowed myself to get to a really scary place before seeking out the proper help” (Rallo, 166-167). Rallo writes beautifully about our flawed society, while also tying in a greater lesson about taking care of one’s own needs.

The later chapters of DAEFTW discuss the experience of being in your mid-to late twenties, and most prominently, the universal experience of friendship breakups. Rallo details a painful breakup with her childhood best friend, growing apart from college friends, and finding new friends in her confusing post-grad world. She writes, “The idea of growing away from our loved ones, physically or emotionally, simply because we’ve made the decisions best suited for our own lives is harrowing and intense in a really emotional, human way” (Rallo, 224). As a college student, Rallo’s accounts of growing apart from the friends she made at the University of Michigan was not an easy read. While she discusses important truths we must all grapple with someday, this section of the book seems most aimed at post-grad, mid-twenties readers. Perhaps it was my own fears of growing apart from the people who have become my home, but chapter 10, “Does anyone else fear moving away and growing apart?” was an emotional read.

 In her final chapter, Rallo reflects on growing up in what is perhaps one of the most beautifully crafted passages in the book. “Across the breakfast table from my mom, I wonder how she felt at twenty-six, holding me in her arms for the first time. I wonder if she ever felt like she couldn’t do it. I wonder if she felt like she was always meant to be my mom or if she had to adjust to being somebody else’s everything… Even at fifty-two, my mom is growing up still. Even at fifty-two, she is the girl she was at fifteen” (Rallo, 280-281). Rallo reminds us that we never stop growing and changing, and urges us to find the beauty in that truth. 

I read DAEFTW sitting on the couch in my college apartment, hundreds of miles from my parents, but shared it with the girls I met on the very first day of school. Rallo’s cutting words about friendship breakups and growing up should not incite fear, but rather inspire us to pour as much love and care into the people close to us as if each day was our last.

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